Wine Reviews - the "Without Wank" Way

There are as many systems to assess the quality and value of a wine as there are bottles of bad oaky chardy. Some reviewers favour a 100 point system, such as US critic Robert Parker and Australia's own James Halliday. Points are allocated for all the tactile features of the wine on a very structured basis.

Other critics go for a "star" system, allocating normally between one and five star ratings. (Don't forget the oft used half a star measure!)

And of course, the Wine Show system awards Gold, Silver and Bronze medals - but it is debatable if medals are awarded more for showing a "correctness" of varietal character or for quality.

Here at Wine Without Wank, we like to think in terms of words. Numbers are all fine and dandy, but when a friend recommends a good bottle of red, they really are more likely to say something like "Bloody good drop" than "I give it 76 points".

• Dishwater

  This wine is basically foul. You should rarely see this in the modern era!

• Unpleasant

  This wine really has enough flaws to make it a very tough experience to swallow.

• Below Par

  The wine is drinkable, but there are one or two elements in its make up that make it below standard.

• Okay

  Don't discount the "okay" wines - the law of averages means that you will spend 85-90% of your time drinking these! These wines are enjoyable, but don't show enough to become "recommendable" wines. (unless they are dirt cheap!)

• Good

  These wines are the ones that bring a smile to your face as you drink them.

• Very Good

  Standout wines - the wines that you remember long after you drink them, the wines that you seek out whenever you can.

• Outstanding

  Rare. Unique. These wines are so memorable, complex, full of flavours that you know that you will not come across one of its kind for perhaps many years. Known to bring tears to a drinker's eyes when they realize the bottle is empty.

Wine show judges and most journalists would be scared to death at a rating system like the one above, as it would be deemed limited. But to my mind, when you are splitting one wine from the next by 1 point out of one hundred, are we, the average punter, honestly expected to taste the difference?

Classifying wine as per the above descriptive categories gives an indication of the overall quality of the wine that is more than sufficient to help buyers decide on purchases. When the total tasting notes are taken into account, so that those who like "spicy" wines more than "fruity" wines can see those features readily and easily, then an informed decision can be made.

However, as is always the case, a rating of a wine is an opinion - some people will like the wine I have rated "Very Good" and some people will still hate it. Opinions and subjectivity will always be involved, and for me, they should. Arguing about which wine is better is all part of the fun! Jump on the Messageboard and let us know what your opinion is - it'll help us all make a better choice!

In terms of value, the price that the wine is most often found for at the time of review will be used as the price point to judge value. Wine prices are liable to extreme fluctuations, so the value guide is reliable at the point the review is made.

Value Rating	Cost	Quality Rating
OUTSTANDING	$15 or less	Outstanding
	$7 or less	Very Good
VERY GOOD	$20 or less	Outstanding
	$15 or less	Very Good
	$7 or less	Good
GOOD	$25 or less	Outstanding
	$20 or less	Very Good
	$15 or less	Good
	$7 or less	Okay
ABOVE AVERAGE	$35 or less	Outstanding
	$25 or less	Very Good
	$20 or less	Good
	$15 or less	Okay
OKAY	$50 or less	Outstanding
	$35 or less	Very Good
	$25 or less	Good
	$20 or less	Okay
	$15 or less	Below Par
A LITTLE EXCESSIVE	$80 or less	Outstanding
	$50 or less	Very Good
	$35 or less	Good
	$30 or less	Okay
	$20 or less	Below Par
OUCH!	$80 or more	Outstanding
	$50 or more	Very Good
	$35 or more	Good
	$30 or more	Okay
	$20 or more	Below Par
	any	Dishwater!

I cannot stress enough that our reviews are written with the general public in mind - I see no point in writing about wine in a way that 99% of readers will not relate too.

In relation to the general consumer, which is 99% of the wine drinking population, my palate is experienced and educated. (Yes, I am big noting myself - but if I am writing about wine, it had better be!!)

However, I will be the first person to admit that there are individuals in and around the wine trade whose expertise and palate are light years ahead of mine.

In a blind tasting with my wits pitted against Len Evans, James Halliday, or even Bob the wine shop owner from down the road, I can tell you right now my chances are not too flash at picking the Left Bank from the Right Bank.

But guess what? I know what I like.

I assess what is in the bottle at the time I drink it. For me, picking whether the wine will improve with age or not isn't something I feel qualified to write about - in fact, I don't really think anyone has a proven method for predicting this.

So,you will find that for the most part, I don't talk much about aging potential of wines. With most wine being consumed within 48 hours of purchase, the facts seem to dictate that aging wine is not the prime factor for many buyers.

I also tend to drink at least two full glasses of any wine I assess. First impressions are all fine and good, but wine not only changes in the glass over time, but your mouth starts to feel differently about it after more than a glass. I feel this is important - and can drastically affect a rating. I have often been "fooled" into a high rating by a big tasting wine on the first sip, only to get sick of the bombastic flavour and downgrade my thoughts on the second glass. Conversely, I have also experienced many a wine that has "opened up" after a little time and revealed itself more.

All in all, many educated wine boffins will read my tasting notes, ratings and views and be aghast. I have no issue with this - I am not writing for them. I am sure they will enjoy fencing theories over the next Robert Parker Jr. omnibus that will available for something near $200.

For everyone else, I hope I provide a few hints and tips that you will find worthwhile in your search for nuggets of wine gold.